Reading some great books right now…

Posted on February 16, 2008. Filed under: Adoption emotions, My Adoption Story | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

By Joy A. Kennelly

I’m reading three really good books. I know, how do I do it and why? Because one I read in the morning when I’m awake early enough, the second at night to relax from the day, and the other I just bought tonight.

The first was suggested reading in a Bible Study I opted not to attend, but got the book anyway. It’s entitled Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I’m really glad I’m reading it independently because apparently they’re flying through two chapters a week and I want to savor this one to let it sink in.

It’s all about how Jesus wants us to stop and smell the roses (or at least that’s what I’m getting out of it.) We’re usually so busy we don’t stop and listen to what God wants to reveal in our lives. The book is filled with great anecdotal stories and applications to my life that always fit exactly what I’m going through right when I need to hear them.

My nighttime reading is the infamous book, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. What I love about reading her book is the way she writes. It’s so poetic and descriptive. I can only wish to achieve her writing grace and style.

What I find interesting about this book is her search for God and what lengths she goes to find Him.

I’m currently in India with her and really enjoying her “Texan Guru’s” advice on page 149 of the book which really hit home for me. Here’s the part I just love: “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.” Isn’t that just awesome?

I’m really enjoying this book and trying to put into practice some of the disciplines she’s experiencing while living in her Guru’s ashram, like driving without the radio on to hear God and listen to my thoughts that come up.

Today I was viciously attacked in front of my peers via an email by an immature bully. People I expected to stand up for me, didn’t. It was brutal wake-up call to the depth of certain friendships and the lack of others.

As a result, I was extremely upset. I called a good girlfriend and learned she’d had an awful day too. My client I met with had had one too. It must be something in the moon, or we’re all pmsy together!:)

In any case, even though this good friend invited me to join her and her family for dinner I opted to drive up to Malibu instead which turned into something of a meditation because there was so much traffic due to the three-day holiday or something.

As I was inching along five miles an hour, I was behind a big camper truck and then a big semi truck came up next to me. I couldn’t see this, but the road was narrowing and for some reason the big semi had decided he would go ahead of me despite doing so would run me into the mountain beside me.

Now I drive a very small car and thought he just hadn’t seen me so I moved forward to show him my bumper. No such luck, he was going to barrel his way ahead regardless. I began to get worried when he kept barreling forward and I began to honk loudly to say, Hey! I’m here, don’t run me into the mountain!

He kept coming so finally when I saw a chance I decided to speed ahead of the camper and avoid getting crushed. It was a little harrowing, but it made me realize that today I experienced that same thing virtually where the big bully was trying to crush my spirit while the group stood by and watched it happen, not realizing I was about to get crushed.

I ended up ending that association today since it’s not healthy for me to feel attacked and not protected like that. I felt that way driving too. As I pulled ahead of both the camper and the semi truck, I felt freer and like I could really fly. However, there was still a lot of traffic.

We continued to inch forward and then all of a sudden the road opened up and we finally could just travel. That’s what I feel like has been happening with my situation. It’s been slow moving and sometimes I wonder if anything will ever change.

However, every so often I see glimpses of hope and realize that just like the traffic tonight, it takes time to get past certain obstacles before you find your freedom. We’re getting closer and hopefully soon will have a breakthrough. I just won’t be involved which is fine.

I know what part I played and God knows too which is all that matters. What’s so funny is that every time I want recognition for something it never comes. However, when I’m finally fine with everything and don’t need it, that’s when people acknowledge my efforts.

Today a woman posted on my online networking group a request for advice regarding her birth plan to have her child without drugs and our thoughts on a doula. Since I’d had that experience with my son (no pain too – a total miracle!), I wrote her and told her of my experience mentioning my adoption story.

There was a wonderful woman at my first maternity home, Harvest Home, who volunteered her time as a doula and she was there during my entire birth at St. John’s Hospital. I really couldn’t have done it without her. She was so calm and so nurturing.

My mom was too in her own way, but also a little helpless in times of great stress. However, I was glad she was there too. My youngest sister and her kids were there as was my Dad. I have another sister, but it’s as if I don’t so…

In any case, I shared my story with this girl and the group without any thought of the fact I was sharing my adoption/birth experience to over 1000 women via the newsletter. I’ve told them about my adoption before and never really gotten any response. As a result, didn’t expect one today either.

What was so cool is that while I’m being attacked in one email, I switch over to my other account with tears streaming down my face from the pain of it all, and there’s this lovely email from someone I’ve never met telling me that my adoption was a very selfless act and thank you for not aborting my child. She also thanked me for sharing and was just really loving right when I was feeling my worst.

God has such a funny sense of timing. That happened last night too. I had left a surprise Valentine’s Day gift for a good girlfriend which she received when she got home. She called to tell me how thoughtful and loving and wonderful a friend I was.

I was scanning my emails while listening to her and received one from someone I considered a friend telling me how awful I was and how bad I made her feel because she felt she’d never measure up to what she thought I expected from her as a friend.

That was totally out of left field because she’d misinterpreted an email I’d sent her. I had to laugh at the irony of the phone call from one really good friend and the email from this friend on the other hand. I told my phone friend what had happened and she laughed along with me. I guess you have to take the good along with the bad in life.

As long as we know who we are, then it doesn’t matter what other people say about us. However, it doesn’t take away the sting. Also, I have to look at both of these experiences as a way to learn how I can change and grow from the situation too.

There had to be some element of truth in this guy’s tirade if it stung as much as it did. However, I also know he’s a blow hard so whatever… I do have to ask myself what God is trying to teach me through all this though!

Oh, the last book I picked up tonight as a result of today’s experience is called, Seducing the Boys Club by Nina DiSesa since that’s what this little hometown attack experience feels like. A Boy’s Club where strong women who have intelligence and strength threaten the members. Oh well, I’ll learn and then watch out!

Okay, that’s all for now. I’m tired. Have a good one.


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4 Responses to “Reading some great books right now…”

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did you buy seducing the boys club in India?

Hi Dev, That’s too funny. I wondered if I was taking poetic license by writing that I was in India and now I see that it’s been misinterpreted!

No. I wasn’t in India. Just wished I was that day. LOL

I actually bought that book at a very cool bookstore in Malibu called Diesel, A Book Store or

I really like that one since it’s nice to visit a place where the salesperson really cared about how you were feeling and wanted you to find peace of mind while shopping.

Highly recommend the place for that reason and because of the intimate, unique setting and collection of books.

I was curious since I’m from India and couldn’t imagine the book was sold there. Also, the author is a friend and the book is a awesome. You’ll enjoy it

Thanks Dev, Please tell her I’m really enjoying it and am half way through already. Still trying to learn the best way to deal with my boy’s club issues, but at least it’s nice to know I’m not alone!

I love strong, empowering women so please tell her “You Go Girl!”

Thanks for reading!

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    Emotions I feel surrounding my adoption, books I read and other experiences in life


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