I love my little mom

Posted on January 6, 2008. Filed under: Mom & me |

By Joy A. Kennelly 

Here’s my thoughts on visiting my mom in the hospital from October 29, 2006.

I feel so guilty. My mom had knee replacement surgery last Wednesday and today was the first day I didn’t go to see her at the hospital because I ended up going to see a screening of The Queen (FANTASTIC!!!!! I loved the way they interspersed archival footage with the current movie – sad to see Princess Diana again. I cried the first time I heard the news and again today. Lovely, lovely movie. Two thumbs up.)

Anyway back to mom. She was so cute, she just called me from her bed to ask where the invisible woman was (“me”.) I feel terrible! Yesterday when I came to see her I began to cry because I finally realized why I’ve been resistant to go there and all my emotions came out. Granted I think I’m pmsy, but still these are true and valid emotions too.

Years ago when I was pregnant with my only son I went through a lot of medical issues. Living at Harvest Home at that time, their whole focus was on the women keeping their unborn babies. I was the only one pursuing adoption.  As a result, they didn’t have any presents  geared towards my situation which is fine because I have a family regardless of my up and down feelings towards them I do love them and they love me.

These girls didn’t have strong families and to bless them the folks who ran  Harvest Home, collected brand new strollers and all types of baby stuff to give them a nice Christmas. They raise the money to pay for all this as part of the Christmas run fund raiser (all the details are in this link if you care to participate this year.)

I don’t know if it was to avoid all the gift giving, or  if I was just really susceptible to flu that year, but I became  desperately ill and ended up going to the emergency room because I was so dehydrated from all the vomiting and diarrhea. I spent the night strapped to an IV and wondered if I’d get through it alive I was so sick. Fortunately I did, but then again I had to go back again shortly thereafter because the pain was so excruciating.

Turns out I had a fibroid die on my appendix which needed to be removed despite the fact I was five months pregnant. I was laying in a Santa Monica hospital sick as a dog for hours and hours without any painkillers before they got approval from Torrance Memorial (the same hospital my mom is now located in) to conduct an emergency surgery at 5am. Finally, I was driven by an ambulance to Torrance where I was immediately prepped. By this time it was 4am and my mom had been called to meet me there.

She showed up like the trouper she is. The doctor came in and told me it was a very dangerous operation and that I could possibly lose my unborn baby. However, he assured me he had done numerous similar operations successfully and was one of the best. We were taken downstairs to get a sonogram in preparation of my surgery.

I’ll never forget hearing my mom say that she saw Eli’s little hand waving inside my womb as they took a picture of my fibroid. I’ll also never forget telling her a little later, as I lay waiting to be taken to anesthesia, that I knew I was giving him up, but that didn’t mean I wanted my child to die.

Needless to say, it was a very successful surgery as Eli is now 7 years old, but I spent Christmas in the hospital that year. Then Glori, my youngest sister, and her husband, Dwayne, took me in to give me a break from the shelter. I was there with her little girls and I was loved and taken care of through New Years (my birthday.) Now can you see why I love her so much?
All that to say, that’s why it’s difficult this time around to go to Torrance Memorial. What’s so odd is that when my mom underwent knee replacement surgery on her other knee three years ago in the same hospital I had no trouble going. Maybe it’s all starting to come back for whatever reason. I don’t know. Or maybe I’m eating too much sugar – ha! I’ve got to get a gym membership!

I told my mom yesterday that I wouldn’t go and see her there again, but I think she forgot.  Now I feel  bad. I’ll have to go down tomorrow.  What’s so funny about crying over my experience with mom and dad yesterday in the hospital is that just then mom’s very handsome doctor came in to check on her and then a nurse soon followed. Mom’s advice after they left? Joy, maybe it’s time to put this behind you. Oy vey! Good staunch, emotionless German response Mom.

She’s been so strong and stoic since having her surgery I didn’t think she really appreciated my visits, but after tonight’s call when she sounded so small and lonely, I guess she does. My mom is notorious for showing no emotions, but when she does share them, they’re deep. She’s a Cancer too and very mellow which might also explain it. Not to say I go by all that, but it makes sense in her situation.

So! That’s my personal blog for tonight.

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    Emotions I feel surrounding my adoption, books I read and other experiences in life

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